Should I stay or Should I go?

I worked on a commercial deal up in Petosky last fall. A really good friend of mine was on the shoot. She's mostly done modeling work, and she's been very successful with print and car shows and commercial stuff that doesn't involve a lot of dialogue. But she's not sure she wants to be an actor.
I keep sending her info about acting classes and audition opportunities and that stuff, in case she may be interested. I mean, she's already in the business. She knows the people, so I thought maybe she'd want the information.

"On August 2nd Maureen Fahey's bringing in Ed Lewis, a casting director from New York, for a class on auditioning for the camera."
I forwarded the info to my friend and she answered me back in part,

"....for someone that never wanted Sag or Aftra because was told I would get more work and more$ as non-union.... I'm at a total cross roads right now. I'm not an actor. I've worked for 10 yrs as non union and done well. Now we are talking about movies and moving forward and I'm not sure that I'm in that category. I'm not an actor. Times are hard...business is down and... I can move ahead but I'm not sure want to go in that direction, or that they'll think I'm young enough for all of this. I'm torn. How about some advice, friend to friend?"

You may have opened a can of worms here, kid. Grab yourself a cup of coffee and sit down. This may take a minute...

I read somewhere recently that no one should ever choose to be an actor unless they absolutely could not see or imagine themselves doing anything else. (Actually, I think it was at the end of Audition, Michael Shurtleff 's book that I keep reading again and again and again).

Times have changed in Michigan, for sure. There are unbelievable opportunities here now that didn't exist 3 months ago. And there are roles for every size shape and age. If you're going to do it, (join a union and do this seriously), now's the time, for sure.
That's good news. And for me there's nothing else.
I'm ruined for anything else.
I gave at the office for thirty years.
Now I just...can't. Well, at least I'm not gonna...
Here's the rest of the story:

Since I started down this road two years ago, I am become, um...how do I day this? Financially disadvantaged...(yeah, that works).
My seven year old Trial Blazer gets 16 mpg on the highway, When I can get it started. (I've been borrowing vehicles to get to auditions from Lansing for 10 days now). (Thank God it's paid for. All 197,000 miles of it...).

It's a $40 150 mile round-trip to get to auditions in Southfield. (That's where the work is...)
I've sold my record collection.

I sold my guitar!

I would have sold my flute but it would have cost $200 to get in shape and all I can get for it is $200!

I have been divorced for 15 years. For 13 years there were difficult times on occasion and sometimes bills would be a little late in getting paid,
but my ex always got paid.
Somehow in the past 12 months I've fallen, well, let's just say a tad in arrears.
My ex-wife is not amused. She's a nice person, but her sense of humor has becomed somewhat...strained.
She's been forced to remind me that in ten years I'll be 65 and "who will hire a 65 year old actor"?
I have been reminded from several fronts that my kids are...concerned... about the fact that I'm 54 and have no health insurance. They're cool. Just ... concerned. I don't blame 'em for that.

I have no @#&*ing clue when I'll see my next paycheck, (although I've got some good gigs coming up). (Don't laugh. There's always a gig coming up). I don't begrudge them being concerned. I appreciate their concern. They have been unbelievably supportive and I'm a lucky duck to have the kids I have.

I'll be damned if I'll embarass them. Again....

In an effort to supplement my income from acting, I have signed up to usher events for the Lansing Visitor and Convention Bureau and I will be a Standardized Patient for MSU's med schools beginning this fall - that's where you act out the symptoms of various diseases as a part of the educational process for our future MD's, DO's, nurses and veterinarians!
Commercials are great. You can make $100, $250, $500 an hour on commercials. But you can't do it 40 hours a week! And if you're not union there are no residuals.
And what's really tough is, just like you, I constantly question if I'm even a good actor!
(Jesus dude, You want cheese with that whine?)
I'm not whining.
I'm just trying to explain.
I really am the happiest man in America! (You know. Except for the money).

And none of that crap matters!

Because I'm also a True Believer.

God will provide? Well, yeah. But whatever because:

This is what I do.

This is what I'm going to do.

I know I'm not saving lives or changing history or bettering mankind.
But it's my purpose. It's how I am of use.
It's what I'm going to do until I can't do it anymore.
Dude! I'm a handsome, charming man in the richest country in the world!! I can do anything!!
As long as it's acting...
And, aside from all that, (as I am overly fond of saying), Better Days Ahead!
So. Do you really want to know what I think about you taking 'the next step'?
Figure out what's in your heart and do it. Be true to what you've been created for.
Screw the money.
Screw what anyone else dares to say or think or try to do about it.
It's not true that you only get one chance in life. THANK GOD!
But it is true that you only get this life once.
Whatever you've done to mess it up in the past,
whatever risks you were too afraid or too responsible or too whatever to take in the past is in the past.
Whatever you've done that you shouldn't have done, (and let's face it, those were some good times),
get over it, get past it, forgive yourself and move on.
But don't screw around being an actor if you're not an actor. (You know, unless you got money).
Be what you are the best you can be.
Don't be afraid to challenge yourself with more if that's in your heart, but don't be ashamed or embarrassed if that's not what you want.
You don't have to explain it to anyone and you don't have to defend it.
You do what you want to do, what you believe in.
If you're not sure what that is, look in your heart. It's there.
Don't be afraid.
EMBRACE YOUR INNER BADDASS!

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In cool news: I GOT CAST THIS WEEK AS LT. CLARK IN THE MOVIE "tHE tHIRD dEGREE" STARRING VAL KILMER, ARMAND ASANTI AND ERIC ROBERTS! (PRETTY EXCITING, THAT ME, AN OVERFED, LONGHAIRED LEAPING GNOME, SHOULD BE CAST IN A HOLLYWOOD MOVIE (With a nod to Eric burdon and WAR). Thanks to Maureen Fahey-Dreher Casting for the opportunity and the late night call with the news. And to Lela Ivey who made the initial introduction.
Thanks too to Tony at the I-Group for a nice commercial/print gig from Men and a Truck this week. National ad with great exposure. Terry Such and Guy Armstrong Producing and running that show...
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Thank you Annie Wilson (my favorite Annie anywhere) at The Talent Shop for hooking me up with 4 auditions this week. You're a good girl, Annie.
And Janet Pound (BABY!) from Affiliated for a nice print job next week and for always keeping my picture on the top of the pile! (You are a mere Shadow of your former self, you skinny thing...)
Almost forgot...thanks again to Maureen for that Hurley Hospital gig coming up next week...apparantly they were looking for the 'before' picture.....