money can't buy me love...but it will get me naked

I watched the news last night and I was struck that almost everybody's worried about money.

Not just worried as in, "I must have the latest (fill in the blank) or I will simply die!" kinda worried.
More along the lines of "How'm I gonna eat next week?"* and
"If I get sick I may seriously die because I got no money for the doctor"** and
"...even if I cheat the doctor I got no money for medicine"*** and
"...winter's comin' on and I got no money to heat the house"**** and
"...I can't get warm at work 'cause I got no job"** and
"...I can't head south to sleep on the beach 'cause I can't afford the gas"***** and
"...anyway the car's broke and I owe the mechanic" and,
"Damn! That's a long walk to Florida!"
That kinda worried.

Of course, I'm from Michigan.
We're way ahead of the curve.
We been stealin' the copper plumbing from the repossessed homes of auto workers and Realtors for a good three years already, so you know the fundamentals of our economy are strong.

'Round here, we don't sit around and whine about that crap. We apply ourselves.

Me?
I'm going over to the University at 1:00 to be a simulated patient.
This gig is all about pretending you're sick with specific symptoms that the med students have to find and identify by an initiall interview and later by physical exam.

The interview part is pretty fun.
They give you a back-story,
(last week I played a resident of the upper peninsula of Michigan who lives in a rebuilt trailer in the woods and hunts and fishes and traps and generally lives off the land),
and they give you specific symptoms to act out.
My character has been suffering from re-curring belly aches since late July and some smart guy at the Bear Butt Bar in Seeney Crossing has convinced him he has the appendix and may well be fixing to die.
("Oh doc, it's bad. When it comes on me all I can do is curl up in the fecal position and hope I die or it goes away on it's own").
(Fecal position. Don't tell me I'm not funny. I got a mirror).
I get $15.00 an hour for the interview part.

But today is the physical exam part.
It pays $35.00 an hour, but involves being naked in front of a steady stream of 2nd year med students.
Not so much acting.
More like modeling.
Think Will Farrel in art class.

(You know what would happen if Bobby Kahle and his Citadel cadre made that offer to Jules' ex-wife?
Well.
That right there is why lawyers don't have to worry about unemployment...).

But I'm glad to have the gig and I'll gladly take the dough.
Hell man, that's skilled-trades money right there!

Dude. Three years ago I was a highly paid business consultant for a national real estate franchise.
A mere three weeks ago I was filming a movie with Val Kilmer.
Today I stand around in my all-together and get touched in uncomfortable ways by the pimply faced Future of American Medicine.

What can I say?
I'm committed.
Or maybe I just oughtta be committed.

Hang In there kiddo. I'll have your money soon...maybe they'll pay me extra if I let 'em take my picture.

What's that?
That price includes them taking my picture??

I gotta call my agent...

Seriously.
Better days ahead.

Gotta be.

dA

*Cost of groceries up about 16% from last year and about 30%over the past three years

**Unemployment in Michigan currently leading the nation at over 8% and rising. Should go down soon, though. Everyone's leaving...

***Thank God the drug companies seem to be doing OK. There's at least 8 new Walgreens and 6 new RiteAids in town...Don't tell me there's no new construction going on!

****Home heating costs projected to go up 25% this winter and up around 2oo% over the past four years. That should be coming down soon when we start getting that discounted oil from a grateful Iraqi government.

*****I promise I will never bitch about $2.50 / gallon gas again

Source of statistics:Doug Alchin. Blame it on the Catholic edumaction. I was never good at math.